End of Day

This morning started with a conversation with the neurologist who said that she was repeating some EEG’s because they have noticed Nick twitching.  They wanted to make sure he isn’t having seizures so they did a 2 hour EEG this time and we will find out tomorrow what may be the cause.

Many of his tests have come back negative which is good, but it adds to the mystery of his illness.  Currently, 5 doctors are now thinking viral pneumonia which quickly inflamed the lungs which then filled with fluid stopping his breathing and his heart.  It is the top theory of the day.

Nick has been on an Ecmo machine since he has been here. Here is a link to information about it 


This afternoon he had the Ecmo machine removed, but he is still on a ventilator.  This means tomorrow they will slowly reduce his sedation and try to wake him up to see what kind of brain damage may be present due to lack of oxygen to his brain. This scares the crap out of me.  I am trying with all my might to prepare myself to witness my son wake up in a hospital in a strange place on a ventilator which I hear feels like breathing through a straw.  Just typing that sentence made me inhale deeply.  When they first put Nick on the ventilator he fought like hell because he couldn’t catch his breath.  I am hoping his dad and I can be his calm center to help him learn to breathe with this contraption in his mouth and down his esophagus.  The sooner the medical staff sees he can breathe on his own without the vent the sooner it will be removed.

Today’s beautiful moment of the day was when  nurse pulled me aside and asked if I was spiritual.  I said yes I was.  She said, well then I have something for you and she presented a small box of worry stones with different words on them.  I chose TRUST.


I am hoping beyond hope that I can stay strong tomorrow for my son and my husband.  Staying grounded and present I fear will be super hard for me as I watch someone I love struggle with his current reality.

Pray that I can deeply root myself and stay grounded during Nick’s procedures. Pray that I can calm my son in whatever he needs and I can be a supportive partner to my husband as we stand witness.