Everyday I read a section from some sort of prayer book or book of meditations. I have done this for years. Much of the time it isn’t planned so if I am going about my day and happen to see a book of prayer or meditation in some corner of my home I will pick it up and read from it and believe that what ever message is delivered must be the thing I should work on that day.
Today was no different.
I was in my room dressing to go to the hospital to relieve Perry from his time with Nick and I found my Science and Mind book. First, just think of that title Science and Mind, the two things I am struggling with as of late. I open to todays date which is November 21, 2015 and the reading for today is titled, “Identity” the last quote in this chapter is this:
“Healing is not creating a perfect idea or a perfect body; it is revealing an idea that is already perfect.”
I have been thinking of this concept actually for days. I have been thinking of it as I play out every scenario I have with our son Nick. The best case scenario and the worst case scenario. The one thread that runs through it is Nick is Perfect just as he is. In the worst case scenario most people would argue this point ,but I would have to disagree. When I have sat with Nick throughout these past 3 weeks I can only say I am in the presence of pure light and love. Seriously, when he looks at me each day with his distant stare I can’t help but to see innocence and beauty. Yes, he is my child. Yes, I may be biased, but I will tell you I had once before had this inner knowing and it wasn’t with Nick.
A few years ago I was blessed to work at Misericordia teaching fitness to individuals who had cognitive disabilities. Each day was filled with amazing energy, laughter and the wisdom from my students blew my mind. However, one day caught me completely off guard. I was asked to assist in a yoga class for individuals who were very medically fragile. They were in a different building at Misericordia and were surrounded by medical staff 24-7. When I arrived everyone was in a circle in their wheel chairs with tubes and machines and drool and grunts.
They are societies toss aways. The individuals who couldn’t contribute to our communities or who don’t measure up to our standards of beauty. Rita their teacher started her class by turning on some beautiful yoga music and she placed a few drops of essential oils in her hands and rubbed them together walking around to each student so they could experience a wonderful scent. We began with breath work and Rita would move about the room helping people stretch and move. I was mesmerized. Then we ended the class with chanting 3 OM’s which is a sacred sound in the Indian religion.
I was standing near a young man who was very twisted and disabled. He didn’t speak words at all , but I could see his mouth was forming O’s for his OM’s. I realized I was standing in the center of pure grace and as emotions rose up in my body and tears filled my eyes this young man reached out his crippled hand and placed it in mine. Bringing comfort to me as I became a puddle.
He was comforting me…..not the other way around. I was embarrassed to say the least that I could ever think that I was more valuable than he or I had more knowledge then he or I had more wisdom.
Who am I to say what is beautiful or special?
So today when I went to see Nick and he was struggling this morning and Perry was struggling I just took a deep breath and held onto the beauty. I felt I was in a holy place and I know that I have so much to learn. I also know that today I am reflective and grateful but tomorrow I amy want to smash things and become short fused and disenchanted.
It is all a process isn’t it.