Small Victories

When one is in a crisis of this proportion it is the smallest positive movements that seem like the biggest victories.  For example Nick was on 100% oxygen on the ventilator and now he is at 45%.  Yes, he is still on a ventilator, but he is healing so we will take that victory.

Good things, No Bacterial Meningitis , flu, seizures at this point.  This wasn’t caused by drugs  or any other bad choice. 

 He is now 100% off the paralytic which is awesome, but he is deeply sedated because our son is a fighter so he keeps trying to buck the ventilator since he can’t take a natural breath.  They introduced a liquid food into his stomach to wake it up after being paralyzed and so far it has worked and absorbed.  

What is still out there being tested is West Nile Virus, Molds or Fungus, Auto immune disorders and inflammation which is in our family history. 

The neurologist is very much wanting to give him physical tests to see about brain damage and for myself this reality of brain damage is one of those very scary notions.  I know that people don’t really understand the brain completely and it’s healing powers so this is that scary unknown that floats out there in front of you.  

The nurses that surround him 24-7 are incredible.  They have been treating him like their own son.  Sometime  they get emotional and fight back their own tears and once they apologized to me for that because they may of thought I would think it was unprofessional, but I think the opposite actually.  I think you are way more professional when you are in a healing profession and you are so open hearted.  Where your ego doesn’t rule alone and your heart also has a say.  It’s beautiful to witness strangers seeing the beauty of our son the way we do.

Nick has a team of doctors who have been really battling with this situation because they are stumped on what happened.  How could a boy of 23 years of age with a small fever just fall over stopping his heart.  My father in law said it best yesterday when he said it is like we have a giant jigsaw puzzle and we lost 3 pieces but those pieces are the clue to the whole picture.  They have asked me to repeat the story of the devastating day at least 15 times like we used to do as police officers because maybe one version of the story may hold a clue or something could be triggered.

Nicks friends have been here making rounds.  I love that he is surrounded by good people.  Emily’s friends are here supporting Emily which makes me very happy because we as a family have our own journey and sometimes we can’t support the other in what we need because of fear, exhaustion, lived experience, or sheer panic.

Perry and I have a beautiful supportive team which feed us physically and soulfully.  We have been feeding the nurses to make sure they have good energy for the 12 hour shifts.  The night crew gets more treats then the day crew and I am already thinking of ways to balance that out.

I will leave you with one of my favorite images of yesterday.  Two of Nicks gaming friends came by and they stood by his bed calling him by his alias gaming name and telling him that they paused the game and they will wait for him because they are wanting him to “level up.”  They also said to remember their team motto of “Never giving up!”  Nick responded by increasing his blood pressure.  It is his way of showing us that he hears us.

Never give up Nick Nigro…..Never give up.